Mixing things up: Should I be aggressive or passive (dating).

[SeniorFrog]

I've decided to mix things up with this thread. I don't think it's out of place, so I'll just take any tips.

I recently started college, I have a large circle of friends and friend-girls. I have one big issue though.

I BELIEVE I'M NOT AGGRESSIVE ENOUGH.

Normally I'm a clown, but I'm also highly reserved. I do speak with a lot of girls and what not, however when it comes time to approach them, I kinda let them go. This goes back to my rough childhood, so perhaps I'm afraid of being hurt?

Anyhow. I think I'm ready to have a girl I can call "mine" problem is that every time one gets close to me, Ibecome way to reserved, almost nervous. This is coming from a guy that makes everyone smile and can make friends in an instance.

So what should I do? Be more aggressive, like a dog, or stay single forever?

[Ozai]

Bro, you should be a little more aggressive imo. If you see a girl you like, and instead of approaching her you let her go, all your stuck with is the thought of "what if i went and talked to her." I used to be like that but sometimes you can't let those things get in the way.

[Versoffen]

Are you already dating them and not getting any further, or are you "just friends" and can't get to the "dating" part?

My observations of straight folks lead me to believe that women usually do not make moves, instead they just try to be more and more alluring until a dude comes along (I've only been asked out by girls 1.5 times). Another observation is that women are looking for serious relationships too, they're just not as obvious about it, usually.

If you're just-friends and can't ask, then my suggestion is to ask anyway (for a date or whatever). The worst that can happen is that one says no, and I doubt one would tell you no. To me women seemed socialized to politeness to the degree that it's often difficult for them to decline to a date or whatever, even if they want to. You probably have friend-girls who are just dying for you to ask them out. *shrug*

[SeniorFrog]

Are you already dating them and not getting any further, or are you "just friends" and can't get to the "dating" part?

My observations of straight folks lead me to believe that women usually do not make moves, instead they just try to be more and more alluring until a dude comes along (I've only been asked out by girls 1.5 times). Another observation is that women are looking for serious relationships too, they're just not as obvious about it, usually.

If you're just-friends and can't ask, then my suggestion is to ask anyway (for a date or whatever). The worst that can happen is that one says no, and I doubt one would tell you no. To me women seemed socialized to politeness to the degree that it's often difficult for them to decline to a date or whatever, even if they want to. You probably have friend-girls who are just dying for you to ask them out. *shrug*

That's a nice post. It makes a lot of sense, they're probably waiting for me to ask them out. I'm going to try it. Also I have noticed that as well, they don't make the first move. Here in my island (Puerto Rico) girls are used to guys drooling over them and asking them out, or hit the nail in the coffin rather quickly. I'm not that type of guy, but I should at least try (I guess).

Oh and Ozai... thanks for the reality check

[H azel]

My advice would be drink more. But i'm no Dr. Phil.

[Naithallis]

Sounds to me like you just need to meet the right girl. When that happens you'll feel comfortable in the relationship and your true self will shine. You won't be nervous or reserved. Instead, you'll feel as if you've known that person your whole life.

Also, I wouldn't say be more aggressive, but be confident in yourself.

[Erik]

The one thing you shouldn't do is listen to women telling you that "You'll meet someone when you least expect it," or "just be yourself". Both of which translate to: don't do anything to improve your chances, let the women have their pick.

Instead, I suggest you visit the SoSuave discussion forum. While not all advice there is good, there is a lot of noteworthy advice that is a hundred times better than what you'll get from most sources. There's a reason nice, normal guys in their youth go for years without sex and relationships, wondering why being a nice guy isn't enough, while they see other guys get all the women. It leads to either bitterness, or settling for the first girl who deigns to give you the time of day. Instead, listen to a few pointers, it'll do wonders.

[SeniorFrog]

Thanks all! I took ya'lls advice. Apparently, I'm a chick magnet now! Didn't know so many girls were interested in talking with me, till I did the effort. Still haven't gotten the gf, but it's because I'm picky. Don't want to rush into a relationship just yet.

[Vayne]

Question...if you act more aggressive and get the girl...is she seeing you or someone else? How long can you keep it up? How long will it last if you're not yourself?

Unless you're actually changing, and not acting, it won't last. Be you. Then when you find the right girl, it's you she'll be interested in.

[SeniorFrog]

Question...if you act more aggressive and get the girl...is she seeing you or someone else? How long can you keep it up? How long will it last if you're not yourself?

Unless you're actually changing, and not acting, it won't last. Be you. Then when you find the right girl, it's you she'll be interested in.

No it's changing. My biggest problem before was that I was to shy, and despite girls looking for a way to make conversation with me, I would become nervous and avoid it. I decided to while being myself (a respectful-clown), I would just be aggressive and actually speak with them. Whether they rejected me or not.

Also I'm still myself. I don't randomly go up to a girl and start hitting on her, because it makes me uncomfortable (just like her). But of course, one can notice (or at least I finally did) when a girl actually does want to speak with you. So I'm starting to talk about different things, but I avoiding any conversation in relation to sex or anything similar.

Though I've noticed that girls do actually talk about sex that more than I do. lol! It's almost as if they want it.